Now the EPA would have us believe that their intent in today’s announced settlement was to get all the VW “dirty diesels” cleaned up or off the road. Then they made the clean up mods so onerous that most of these TDI “dirty diesels” will get bought back and scrapped instead, especially the early ones like mine with no SCR system that will be most difficult to bring into compliance. So they made VW sweeten the buyback offer, and VW spoiled me even further by consenting to this bribery. Then EPA took a nap when it came to adjusting the buyback offer for mileage, and is giving us a bit over two years after they finally agree on a final settlement, maybe by the end of the year if they’re lucky.

I paid $25,100 for my ’13 TDI wagen and about $27,000 with the sales taxes added on. When ever VW, EPA, FTC, CARB, and all the horde of mooching lawyers get their act together and start the recall they’ll give me $25,757 for it despite there being 34,000 odd miles on the odometer. If I drag my feet through the whole two year recall period and run up the mileage to 60,000, they’ll still give me the same $25,757 for it.Yup, VW and the EPA et al have given me a 60 month lease on a 40 MPG light truck cleverly disquised as a hatchback for $20 a month! And if I run it another 70k miles for a total of 130k miles when I surrender it 2+ years hence, I still get $20,537 for it… Yup, only $5220 for an extra 70,000 miles, or a 7 cent a mile extra mileage charge!

So instead of motivating me to get this “dirty diesel” off the road ASAP, the EPA has given me financial reward for running the wheels off it for as long as possible. And if I change my mind at 130,000 miles and a fix is available, I get $5807 and a 48 months more warranty on the engine and emissions system. And the deal may sweeten with age… If 85% of the “dirty diesels” aren’t fixed or off the road by that 2+ year out deadline, VW faces some hefty per car additional penalties… Which means the “bounty”on VW “dirty diesels” can only get bigger.

So EPA et al, thanks for contributing to Gearhead Grrrl’s increasing highway delinquency. It gets worse… Buy the time they make me give back my TDI, I’ll be so addicted to diesel torque that with no new VW diesels available, nothing less than a torquey 210 HP GTI will do. And as I’m getting too old to shovel snow (BS excuse, but it’ll work), I’ll need to upgrade further to a Golf R with its four wheel drive and 300 HP. So first you’ve made a polluter out of me, and now my criminal career is progressing to highway hooligan.

Officer, the EPA made me do it…