I know, “Airhead Coup” is as much a conflict in terms as “military logic”, and about as likely. I mean, the primary airhead amusements are ridin’, wrenching’, eatin’, and drinking beer… Which doesn’t leave much time or space for coups and other such revolutionary ridiculousness. Historically, the club has pretty much been a beneveloent dictatorship, with no loud complaining as long as the club’s “Airmail” magazine sorta arrived on time. But there has been some tension in the Airhead air lately as the current benevolent dictator has become a bit more dictatorial, though still benevolent… Heck, Joe Cuda and the transmission tech day he organized taught me most of what I know about Airhead transmissions, which still ain’t enough. Thus a few of the owners of the feet that Airhead benevolent or otherwise dictator slash/CEO Joe stepped on are rather angry, an emotion usually only seen in Airheads in response to failing paralevers and missing transmission circlips. The ensuent muttering and grousing has led to no change, with the aggrieved parties assuming they’ll have to wait for the next meeting of the Airmarshalls (regional and state Airhead representatives) to set things right.But a creative reading of the Airhead Beemer Club’s bylaws, which seem written to encourage parliamentary creativity, suggests that a coup is not only possible but could be imminent… Given that the massively attended Airhead winter Tech Daze are about to begin.

As an old political ‘hack, one of the first skills I acquired was learning how to stack a caucus or parliamentary type body… Basicly you drag in any warm body that will support your side and somehow qualifies to have a vote. On the day of the Iowa caucuses in ’08 I managed to drag a young mother with a days old child to caucus for Obama by getting her mother to come to the caucus and babysit, that triggered a family “swarming” that brought a couple other family members to the caucus too. That still gave me less warm bodies qualified to caucus in that precinct than Edwards and Hillary had, but when you don’t have the majority you cut deals… I did one with the Edwards folks and Hillary didn’t get a single delegate! Sometimes that don’t work though, in 2004 I and a couple Edwards hacks pretty much ended up running the caucus as their experienced “old guard” caucus convener had to cancel at the last minute… That was my last “honest” Iowa caucus. And did I mention that I don’t even live in Iowa?

Now the Iowa caucus rules are actually pretty tight, and the Airhead’s bylaws ain’t. The airheads dictators, benevolent or otherwise, are elected by the Airmarshalls who are sorta elected (as in, let’s elect Al Airhead to be Airmarshall before he sobers up, all in favor say aye!) and are supposed to occasionally elect said hopefully benevolent dictator and four board members. But unlike the Iowa caucuses or even congress where every precinct or district is allocated so many representatives which kinda makes “stacking” difficult… It seems that Airmarshalls can be elected from every state, California has (as always) set precedent by electing a couple, South Dakota and a few other states have vacancies to fill, and shouldn’t the provinces and Airheads abroad get to elect Airmarshalls too? And to allow if not encourage even more geopolitical chicanery, Airmarshall’s aren’t required to reside in or anywhere near the state, chunk of a state, city-state, micro-nation, or wide spot in the road they represent!

So given that at most there’s been maybe fifty Airmarshalls serving at any one time, and maybe half that would make it to a meeting and vote in a new board, etc…. How many newly elected Airmarshalls would be needed to effect a coup? Maybe thirty, assuming the old Airmarshalls actually opposed the coup, which is assuming a lot. Thirty is not even half the attendance at a wet and cold Florida Airhead Tech Daze, and in an alcoholic haze, who wouldn’t want to be Airmarshall of something or other? And certainly, the mantra of democracy, “One Airhead, One Vote!” demands that Florida, which is as long a ride end to end as California and damn near as populous, deserves just as many Airmarshalls. And since when should states with populations in the tens of millions get no more Airmarshalls than South Dakota or Montana that don’t have even a million souls? So in fairness Florida deserves at least twenty Airmarshalls, and how is unrepresented 400 mile wide South Dakota supposed to get by with just one Airmarshall? Being but 20 miles from the border I’ll be happy to represent east river SD, and we’ve got a snowbird Airhead here from Wyoming who I’m sure can represent west river SD. Then there’s all those unrepresented Canadian provinces we need to elect Airmarshalls for, the 200+ nations of the world and hundreds of Indian nations in the U.S, alone, all in need of Airmarshall representation… Duty calls! And if we still don’t have enough warm Airhead bodies to stack the Airmarshall’s vote in our favor, I saw nothing in the bylaws that prohibits one selfless Airhead from answering that call of duty and taking on (and voting for!) multiple Airmarshallships.

So around the campfire under the moonlight of a Florida night, Illinois style politics at it’s best could turn the Airheads Beemer Club upside down. Joe, you might want to attend some Florida Tech Daze this winter, the snowbirds are restless…